hurt.Friday, December 17, 2010
at 2:57 PM;
Appliances have gone berserk
I cannot keep up
Treading on people's toes
Snot-nosed little punk
And I can't face the evening straight
And you can 't offer me escape
Houses move and houses speak
If you take me there you'll get relief
I feel melancholic.
Does acceptance really matter that much to me?
They're going out clubbing today. HP, Moose, Soonyoong, Wuss. When I told HP over the phone that I had my reservations, he agreed, yes, it's retarded. But they're going anyway. And hp just said "If you don't like it, just don't come."
What happened? What happened to this group, so intent on keeping in contact after leaving school? After six years in the same school, next door to each other everyday? After all those times we spent together, strengthened one another?
Did it mean nothing?
Spoke to Cara today. Turns out she broke up with Erik, who ended up changing the passwords on her Facebook and Gmail accounts, as well as deactivating the former. On top of that, her parents have put her under house arrest after whatever drama transpired in her home last week.
It's been a long time since we were last lost for words on the phone. She's different, somehow. Guarded. She says she won't tell me what's going on now, only face to face. I don't know what her parents did to her, but it's really affecting her. Sigh.
Maybe I'm just unlucky, but all my friendships are dissolving. Maybe it's my fault. Hell, it probably is.
Why can't I be a normal, boring person, with normal, boring friends who meet up and have fun doing inane things together?
I don't even really care about God anymore. I don't know why I'm going to such lengths to help his cause. I don't know why I had this creeping sense of satisfaction as I felt those words hit home, don't know why it gave me such sweet, sweet relief to hurt them, tear away their carefully maintained facades, and bring them one step closer to ruin.
To twist the dagger and then pour salt.
Is life really that precious?
the rest is silence;
