flights of fancy.Wednesday, April 15, 2009
at 11:25 PM;
Woke up today.
Fell over when I got out of bed. Determined that I was not in a state to go to school.
Got back into bed.
Sigh. I'm sick now cause I went to play frisbee in the amphitheatre till late on Tuesday. Should've known better, but I didn't bother to change out of my PE stuff, which by then was soaked.
Oh, as a matter of interest, RJ PE shirts are awesomely water-retentive. I sweat very little as it is already, and the whole thing was completely soaked. I might as well not bring a towel in my bag next time, a PE shirt'll do just fine. Well, technically it would, if not for the fact that it just inherently stinks.
Anyway, I went for dinner with HP, Leo and Moose at Subway, which, thank God, was not as cold as the rest of J8, but that said, I was freezing, though I'd have to admit the Cold Cut Trio is awesome.
Took an ice-cold bus home, then went to shower and sleep.
Woke up this morning, as aforementioned, and fell down after standing up, after which I got back into bed.
Sigh.
Was really miffed at missing training today. I really need the training. My playing is starting to stagnate again. Plus, I need extra practice with my curls. Inside-outs don't seem to be working for me recently, and I can't seem to run. My thalassemia's been acting up again recently. Can't breathe, can't run. I feel so weak.
Sigh.
I don't know. Is training really worth it any more? So many other people train less than me, practice less than me. Why do they run faster, jump higher, throw better? Why are they of so much more worth than me? Why can't I be talented in something for once? It just feels like when people give me compliments, they're only saying it so I won't quit.
Sigh. Enough.
And you. If you're even reading this.
I love you. I really do.
Can't you give me a chance? You gave him one. You cried over him. When you talked to me after breaking up with him last year, I felt so useless. You wanted him back. You wanted him to give you a chance, to take you back. I couldn't offer anything you wanted; anything you needed. I had been dumped too, at the start of last year. I didn't know how to be what you needed me to be. I felt so...worthless.
I really didn't want to, and I definitely don't want to now, but I just feel so jealous.
the rest is silence;
